Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your cock deserves a montage
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
