Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
