THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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