i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize