How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
