Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
