Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
whose parrot is this?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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