theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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