You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
