he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize