drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
