I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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