Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
