This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
