but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
