'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize