and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
