Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
