I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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