I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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