I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
