Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No subtext here. People are naked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
