Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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