return my video game
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
