i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize