Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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