She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
