How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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