so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The air was thick with penises
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
