ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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