She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
