ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
