I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
