he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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