I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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