Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
