If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
