his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
