Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
