trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
