Pants 0. Shit 1.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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