you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
