Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
