My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
