I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
