i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
