Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
