Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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