Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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