I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
