I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
