i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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