I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
