there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am one with the molecules
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
