I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
