We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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