Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
