I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
