I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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