I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
