I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize