tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
