You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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