He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
