I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
