Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
