Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
