I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
