So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
