I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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