just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
