Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize