wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
