ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
