wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
