I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
