you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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