just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
