Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
